Dear Pine Bush parents and staff,
On Sundays, I have been reviewing the work of author David Rock, who identified five arenas of social needs in the brain that, when unmet, can make us feel threatened and lead to a fight, flight or freeze response. Lately, more and more of us are either combative, wanting to be left alone, or frozen by indecision. If that’s happening for you or for others around you, it may be because one or more of these five social needs are not being met. And as the forced closures we have to deal with drag on, that is likely to happen more and more.
Rock used the acronym SCARF to identify these five social needs. For the last two weeks I covered the “S” and the “C” of Rock’s framework, which stand for status and certainty. Today I will focus on the “A” in SCARF, which stands for Autonomy. As I have done previously, I’ll provide you with a brief description, then present a series of questions to ponder that you can use to offset the negative impact on this particular need we all have.
To feel autonomous, one must have a sense of being self-directed and a realization that we have choices that can be freely made. But in today’s world our choices have been limited. This winds up impacting our sense of feeling effective and being able to take charge of our lives. It seems that others (the governor, the president, the school) are making decisions for us and we have no input into many things that currently affect our daily lives. Staying aware of where we do have choices and what we can control is critical to maintaining our sense of autonomy.
Here are four helpful questions to explore when trying to generate choices and take back some sense of control in your life:
1. What sustains you and reenergizes you?
a. How can you get more of that into your life right now?
2. How might this time be a gift to use on something about which you are passionate?
a. Many of us have some “found time” right now; use it to your advantage!
3. What might you want to learn from this time?
a. If we are mindful about what is going on, we can become a spectator, instead of a victim to these current circumstances. And when we do that, we can make our own meaning and find helpful lessons.
4. How do you find solitude when you need it?
a. A sure way to regain that sense of control is feel centered and calm. Think about where and how you might accomplish that.
We’re going to be at this at least for another four weeks, so let’s see how we can take the current circumstances and turn them to our advantage. We may not be able to control what’s going on right now, but we can control how we respond. You probably have more choices than you thought you did!
Tim O. Mains, Pine Bush Superintendent